Friday, March 27, 2009

They All Cause Cancer!

I often have weird thoughts or ideas that cross my mind while driving to school or sitting in school, or when ever else I am bored. Normally I discard them, but now, now I have a Blog! So here is my genius thought that came to mind this morning.

The sun that we all apparently rotate around is a yellow dwarf, you know, a star in scientific astrology-nerd terms. Turns out it causes cancer. But I am not here to talk about this yellow dwarf or any of snow whites friends. I am here to say, without any scientific evidence to back it up (I looked online...nothing there), that all the stars that shine down on us at night are killing us too! That's right folks, we all go out at night and have fun partying, jogging, and laying on the grass looking up at hundreds of faraway suns, all working together, very slowly, to give us cancer!

So in these tough economic times, I'm looking for some extra dough, and I have come up with the best idea ever! STARSCREEN! (not to be mixed up with Star Scream of Transformers). Put it on at night when you go jogging or star gazing (which is like staring at the sun! Dangerous!).It will keep you safe from the hundreds of cancer causing bright lights in the sky! For a cheap price I will sell it to you, your friends, and your family. As a good American you should tell them about this, to keep them safe.

So please purchase this once in a lifetime product, by sending me an email or leaving me a comment to get in contact with you about buying this SPF 1 (any SPF level higher would be ridiculous) star safety lotion.

Now in 2 classy scents: Midnight Musk and Lady of the Night.


  1. What scents does this come in Matt?

  2. good question M. I am open to suggestions. So far all I have is Midnight Musk and Lady of the Night

  3. so seriously- when are you getting your own show so you can educate the world of all these discoveries? Matt said he will test your scientific theory as well. Haha!